there's something about crawling into your own bed after being gone for a while.
there just is.

Her fever dream.

my first stab at digital photography.
I'm besotted, completely enamoured, with windows lately.

from the other day by the sea.
winter has me excited this year.
its usually so drab and difficult.
this time around
its just
sort of
sweet.
















































like a sugarplum.

also: I took my new dslr out for a spin, and its official: film will always be better than digital, end of story.
and it will always keep my heart.

Date: Nov 3, 2008 10:53 AM
Elisabeth saysTo: Jon Meador
did you know that when you're in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.


Jon Meador saysTo: Elisabeth
did you know that when you're in love with someone miles away you cant stay awake cause your dreams are the only times you are together.

(this was two years, two months ago.
and still, when I'm far from you, even on holidays, I remember it)

my days are so easy and careless
and I could write a novella on every moment because they are all so beautiful.
every second
is epically
heartful
easy
untameable

I am surrounded by people who are as magical as people can be.

there is no secret.
I wear yesterday's hair
and a smile that's wry
and kiss all of yesterday's cares goodbye.






























also, as of tonight I will own a DSLR, and am terrified that it will distract me from using film. send prayers and addoral.

the holidays are going to be difficult this year for my family, we'll get by, we always do, but there's so many unexpected financial issues that have come up, and I just wish there was something I could do.

anyway I'm going home next week and have eight thousand things to do before then.
I've been making my bedroom my haven. paper birds and photographs and quilts, yellow paint.

I'm reading Jane again. (Austen, for those of you who don't know me, a diehard fan) and it just increases my love for huge, imperfect, close families, particularly mine.
Jon will be driving up to meet me there, my entire soul in one house, it couldn't come sooner. My bloodline surrounds me with the most beautiful people. It can't be fair.

i always wanted to be the sugarplum fairy.






































tis the season.

"I am trying to sleep without you. Every dream I have is full of your eyes and legs and skin but behind them there's this dread because i know when i wake, the spot where i so vividly felt your warm breath and soft skin just moments before is really empty. You are so far from me. I love you with all my heart. Come back to me soon."

a message jonathan sent me while I was in europe.
ive not been sure when or how, but all i've known
is that I want to spend my life with him.
my life. every inkling.

really, I'm the luckiest girl.

the snow is falling on my eyelashes.

good to know that
you wern't quite lost at sea.

(I thought you should know its okay to be free)

now that I'm home for the holidays I'm experiencing this again.













and it isn't the best of things.

(not the muffin, the distance)

I am leaving to go down south early tomorrow morning, which I am looking forward to.
a nice change of pace. Hoping to find something abandoned or beautiful to photograph with my baby sister, who has become quite the little photographer herself.

home is wherever I'm with you.

from the other day.
im tired.
sometimes living is just
exhausting.

One year after my parent's divorce, my father rented a duplex and we were to stay with him all summer, and only see mother every other weekend. She gave me a little box, I remember, that had some awful quote on the front about being far apart, so that when I missed her I could have it and know she was thinking of me.
One day later on Caroline stepped on it, and my world fell to pieces.
She was probably only about three, but I hated her for it.
I spent the rest of that summer in the back yard, a meadow, all giant and yellow and endless and grassy.
I think it was full of wheat, I'm not sure, I only remember that it was very high and soft.
I was seven maybe. and so many of my own insides had already been lost it felt.

and that
is why I photograph meadows so much.

from the other day.
i sat around all day and played in the garden for a little while.
bought these shoes, for a dollar fifty.

Went antiquing and thrifting the other day.
Found so many treasures, and photographed a few today.
My favorite is a little milk jar that I've put some dried flowers in.

the petals are crisp.

im not sure
how i spent the first half of my life not knowing this person.

patience.

For however many years I have dreamed of the northern french seaside,
of normandie, where it is soft, easy. a quiet little place with jonathan, 

and one day perhaps a quiet little face.

whenever I get overwhelmed, I go there in my mind.

I sit by the rocks, my toes in icy waters. and forget this place, and whisper to myself,

nevermind them at all.

lets sail away to the beaches of normandie.

one day soon.

i love
this season.

well its true.

your loveliness goes on and on, yes it does, yes it does.
my creative juices are producing rivers.
which is good. I need some occupation.



































I have a few projects for myself this winter:
a) finishing my photoseries and exhibiting it.
b) evolving my videography.
c) learning to bake- everything- from scratch.
d) reading. a lot.
e) making a new friend.
f) painting the whole of my new apartment.
g) drowning all of my inhibitions in lake erie.

ready, set, go.

the feast jon and I had the other day, I made the muffins and waffles.
my belly is still happy.